I had the pleasure of spending the last 2 days in Irvine, CA, for a Leadership Summit for work. It was very exciting to get out of the store for 2 days and meet some new people, talk about our experiences and hear from top execs. However, sometimes when you get to take a step back and learn more about a company as a whole, it makes you second guess whether that company is for you. I am still trying to digest all the information from the trip, yet I left a little weary of my future, not excited for it, which is the opposite of what their intentions probably were.

The positive thing about the summit was that Lynsey and Jenn (my 2 best friends from school) who also have my position (in AZ) came in for the summit as well! We got to spend 2 days catching up, laughing, and reconnecting. It made me realize how important it is to have friends, and how much I miss home (if i didnt already know!)

I would like to also take the time to thank all of my family and friends who have donated to my triathlon. When things get hard, and I am struggling to keep up and second guessing my abilities, I receive a letter, or a donation, and it keeps me going. Even from family members whom I haven't had much communication with over the years, stepped up and were there for support. I will be doing a practice triathlon in 2 weeks and then I have a month and a half to finish up my training! Time is ticking, and its time to push myself even harder to ensure I am ready when May 1st comes around.

So now it is decision time for me. I need to make some major life choices about what direction I want to go in with all the information I received the last 2 days. The one thing I know is that I need to stay positive. I let myself fall into a rut sometimes and feel sorry for myself ("I have no friends, I miss my family, my job is stressing me out and not making me happy...") STOP WHINING! If i just focus on being positive, and making the most out of learning in the the position I am in at this moment, then I can only hope that what is supposed to happen, will happen.

Rick and I spent last weekend in Monterey. It was wonderful. We were able to get away for 2 days, and just enjoy a new place, and each others company. We drove down late friday night after I got off work and checked into a great hotel complete with a fireplace. On Saturday we drove into Carmel and spent the day window shopping at all the boutiques, and because the weather was supposed to be rainy, there was no one around, and it turned out to be a beautiful day. We then went down to the dog beach that overlooks Pebble Beach golf course and enjoyed a walk along the beach, surrounded by all the playing dogs. As the weather started to get chilly in Carmel, we drove back to Monterey, and went to the boardwalk and got corn dogs and homemade candies. YUM! After all that hard work, a nap was in order and then the most amazing steak dinner. Sunday we went to the Aquarium and then got caught in the pouring rain on our way to get soup in a bread bowl. It was a picture perfect weekend, yet this makes facing reality again 100x more difficult.

As my work gets progressively more stressful and irritating, my personal life is getting much better. Is that the trade off? Can you have a perfectly intact work and personal life? I know I can, but only when you are in a professional position that makes you happy... this is where I am failing. I am an extremely positive person, I like to push myself, and take on challenges, however someone can only take constant challenges, constant negativity, and lack of direction. It is really getting to me. I know that I just graduated, and therefore need to struggle, need to work hard, need to go through times of challenge, and I am fully willing to do so, yet I would be more willing to do so for a position that gave me at least a little personal gratification or satisfaction. I dont know how much longer I can take the constant negativity, and the constant issues.

My personal life however is going rather splendid, considering how hard it was when we first got here. I am making a few friends, my relationship with Rick is extremely strong and i feel the most physically healthy I have felt in a long time. If it weren't for my triathlon training, and Rick, I would be at a very low point right now. Going through these times makes you appreciate the great times even more I suppose.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning, doing laundry, and running (did my 4.5 mile run in 45 minutes. It took me 58 minutes a month ago), so today I am going to relax, go shopping, and get my workout in, then it is back to work tomorrow :(

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http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/wildtri10/jtoalz