April is upon us! The month of spring, sunshine, change, and hopefully ANSWERS.

It has been a rough couple of weeks for me, and the word "rough" is a nice description. I got very sick after I got back from Irvine and was is a fog of hacking, flem, and migraines for about 2 weeks. I finally started feeling better, and tried to get back into my workout routine, but something didn't feel right. After much nagging from my mother I finally booked an appointment with the doctor to get a physical and the OK to go. Well, that wasn't exactly what happened. As many of you know, my junior year in college I got a bad case a Vally Fever, and went through experimental medication which seemed to clear up my symptoms, yet the fungal infection still left nodules on my lungs. The doctor did some chest x-rays just to be thorough and saw those stupid little free-loaders on my lungs. Which lead to this statement "Well, it looks like what I heard, when listening to your chest, is what i thought. Those nodules are still there, and probably always will be. The good thing is, they wont cause any issue, unless you continue to push yourself physically. If you continue with this training, you run the risk of over extending your body and rupturing the nodules, and this could result in emergency surgery. You need to knock it off." JUST GREAT! This is just what I needed, for my body to physically not let me do the one thing that I was so excited about. Just Grrreeaatttt body! Remind me to thank you later.

So after hearing this, I drove to the beach, with my sunroof open, windows down, music blaring, and threw myself a little pitty party. My pitty party however, is by invitation only, so that is why I have taken so long to tell ya'll about it. I am disappointed. In myself, in the situation, and in my stupid lungs.

Thank you all for your support, and help, and for donating to a wonderful cause. The LLS told me they would still count any fundraising money I made towards a future event if I wanted to do a hike, or a walking event, so hopefully this is just on hold.

News on the work-front. I have officially moved stores. I am now about .2 miles away from my house, in a brand new "evolution" store, complete with shinny new computers, hardwood floors, and a position as a sales rep! So far, so good. I am adjusting the sales mindset, and trying to be as aggressive as I can be. Its hard to be cut-throat when you are wearing a pink cardigan and pearls, but I like being THAT girl. Everyone sees me as the sweet blond girl that is nice and a team player... and then BAM, take a look at my numbers SUCKERS, eat your hearts out!

Yet, I have only been in this position for 4 days... ha ha, so we will see how much talk I can talk come month end. I cant walk the walk yet, but I can sure as hell skip!

So our lease is officially up on June 13th. Which is a Sunday, conveniently the Sunday that we have already booked our trip to Seattle for Christie's graduation. This means, that it is time to get the ball rolling. We have officially 7 weeks to figure out:

1. ARE WE STAYING IN CALI, OR MOVING BACK TO AZ?
2. IF WE STAY IN CALI, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?
3. IF WE STAY IN CALI, AND WE GET A NEW APARTMENT, CAN I BRING MYSELF TO SIGN THE PAPER FOR ANOTHER YEAR LEASE?
4. IF WE MOVE BACK TO AZ, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO WORK?
5. IF WE STAY IN CALI, ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE WITH OUR CURRENT JOBS?
6. (AND MOST IMPORTANTLY) IF, AND WHEN AM I GETTING A GOLDEN?

This is just the short list! I wish i could just shut off my mind, or just be a man for a second, but i can't. I always have been, and always will be, a planner. I want to be prepared for each situation, and have all my little ducks in a row. However, on this particular juncture, i unfortunately/or fortunately, depending on your optimism level, have to let some of this stuff go, and leave it up to "what is supposed to happen, will happen" and all that other nonsense that men say to make women stop freaking out!

So say a little prayer for me and the Rickster, may the big man upstairs guide us in the direction we need to be.

I hope you all had a great Easter, and are enjoying the beautiful weather!

I had the pleasure of spending the last 2 days in Irvine, CA, for a Leadership Summit for work. It was very exciting to get out of the store for 2 days and meet some new people, talk about our experiences and hear from top execs. However, sometimes when you get to take a step back and learn more about a company as a whole, it makes you second guess whether that company is for you. I am still trying to digest all the information from the trip, yet I left a little weary of my future, not excited for it, which is the opposite of what their intentions probably were.

The positive thing about the summit was that Lynsey and Jenn (my 2 best friends from school) who also have my position (in AZ) came in for the summit as well! We got to spend 2 days catching up, laughing, and reconnecting. It made me realize how important it is to have friends, and how much I miss home (if i didnt already know!)

I would like to also take the time to thank all of my family and friends who have donated to my triathlon. When things get hard, and I am struggling to keep up and second guessing my abilities, I receive a letter, or a donation, and it keeps me going. Even from family members whom I haven't had much communication with over the years, stepped up and were there for support. I will be doing a practice triathlon in 2 weeks and then I have a month and a half to finish up my training! Time is ticking, and its time to push myself even harder to ensure I am ready when May 1st comes around.

So now it is decision time for me. I need to make some major life choices about what direction I want to go in with all the information I received the last 2 days. The one thing I know is that I need to stay positive. I let myself fall into a rut sometimes and feel sorry for myself ("I have no friends, I miss my family, my job is stressing me out and not making me happy...") STOP WHINING! If i just focus on being positive, and making the most out of learning in the the position I am in at this moment, then I can only hope that what is supposed to happen, will happen.

Rick and I spent last weekend in Monterey. It was wonderful. We were able to get away for 2 days, and just enjoy a new place, and each others company. We drove down late friday night after I got off work and checked into a great hotel complete with a fireplace. On Saturday we drove into Carmel and spent the day window shopping at all the boutiques, and because the weather was supposed to be rainy, there was no one around, and it turned out to be a beautiful day. We then went down to the dog beach that overlooks Pebble Beach golf course and enjoyed a walk along the beach, surrounded by all the playing dogs. As the weather started to get chilly in Carmel, we drove back to Monterey, and went to the boardwalk and got corn dogs and homemade candies. YUM! After all that hard work, a nap was in order and then the most amazing steak dinner. Sunday we went to the Aquarium and then got caught in the pouring rain on our way to get soup in a bread bowl. It was a picture perfect weekend, yet this makes facing reality again 100x more difficult.

As my work gets progressively more stressful and irritating, my personal life is getting much better. Is that the trade off? Can you have a perfectly intact work and personal life? I know I can, but only when you are in a professional position that makes you happy... this is where I am failing. I am an extremely positive person, I like to push myself, and take on challenges, however someone can only take constant challenges, constant negativity, and lack of direction. It is really getting to me. I know that I just graduated, and therefore need to struggle, need to work hard, need to go through times of challenge, and I am fully willing to do so, yet I would be more willing to do so for a position that gave me at least a little personal gratification or satisfaction. I dont know how much longer I can take the constant negativity, and the constant issues.

My personal life however is going rather splendid, considering how hard it was when we first got here. I am making a few friends, my relationship with Rick is extremely strong and i feel the most physically healthy I have felt in a long time. If it weren't for my triathlon training, and Rick, I would be at a very low point right now. Going through these times makes you appreciate the great times even more I suppose.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning, doing laundry, and running (did my 4.5 mile run in 45 minutes. It took me 58 minutes a month ago), so today I am going to relax, go shopping, and get my workout in, then it is back to work tomorrow :(

DONATE TO THE CAUSE!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/wildtri10/jtoalz

Finding my strength

So I have been training for one full week and as of now, all i can say is that this is HARD! Anyone who has ever met me know that I am not necessarily what you would call an "athlete", even if you called me "athletic" you would be stretching it. So going from thinking about working out 6 days a week, to busting my arse for hours 6 days a week, is not an easy task.

Being apart of the Team In Training, is defiantly helpful when it comes to pushing myself, and being motivated, however i feel as though I am the only "first timer." Each time someone runs beside me (before passing me) and i make my lame small talk, while trying to mask the fact that I am about to go into cardiac arrest, the golden question is "Is this your first triathlon?" my answer is always, "yes, this is my first, but i am so excited to see what I can do!" but I want to say "DUH! LOOK AT ME!" Yet, they always reply, "This is my 7th or 8th." This just makes me want to push them, and if they don't fall, then i will believe they are truly the bad-ass they are claiming to be, but all I say is "wow, thats awesome" and then i pray they will pass me so they dont see me roll my eyes. However, all joking aside, it truly is amazing, and incredibly inspirational, I just only hope my body catches up with the difficulty of the workouts, sooner then later!

So in other news, I have found the one thing that will rip Rick and my relationship apart, drive me crazy, and end with about an hour of the silent treatment. To all you other couples out there, here is a lesson for you. Never, and I mean NEVER clean the house together! I am the type of cleaner that works from room to room, speedy, efficient, and I get the job done. Rick is the type of guy that attempts to be thorough, but it just makes more of a mess then there was before. His room yesterday was the kitchen. He had to put away the groceries, then do the dishes and the counters, thats it. Yet if you give a rick a kitchen, he is going to want to clean out the fridge, then he wants to do all the laundry, then he wants to clean the stove, and move the entire fridge so he can sweep behind it. So this makes it so when I am finished with the dinning room, the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom, dusting and vacuuming. I am now finishing the kitchen while he is outside washing the floors of our 4x3 porch, and cleaning the grill. He is never allowed to clean again. It is not worth it, especially when I havent eaten, because that just makes for a grouchy Jessie, and that is never good!

If you haven't donated to my fundraising for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society yet, do so! You will be giving money to an amazing organization that helps with not only blood cancer research, but also provides resources and services for individuals and families effected by the disease, and you will also be helping me get to my fundraising goal, so i can actually compete in the triathlon!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/wildtri10/jtoalz

ANNOUNCEMENT!!

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....


As of May 4th, I will have finished my first TRIATHLON! I will be training 6 days a week for the next 20 weeks with Team in Training for the Leukemia & Lymphoma society! In addition to preparing for the race physically, I also am raising money for LLS to fund research for a cure, and give resources and aide to those individuals and families who are fighting each day to stay strong.

I hope you all will visit my fundraising site http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/wildtri10/jtoalz and donate in whatever amount you can!

As I am writing this, I am downing my 5th bottle of water today and about to strap on my running shoes to go for a 4 mile run. Yesterday I had my first team training. All 50 of us met at the park at 7am and spent an hour doing swim drills, jumped right out of the pool and onto the road for a fun, freezing, 2 mile run. This event is going to push me to levels I have never pushed myself before, and drive me to work so hard that, at times, I suprise even myself. I can not wait to see where this adventure takes me, and I thank you ALL in advance for the support and encouragement.

Stay tuned ... its going to get interesting!!!

Here we go again, HELLO 2010

Happy New Year to you all!


Last weekend I game up with the brilliant idea to go ice skating. Rick was all gung-ho to go, however he forgot to mention the fact that this would be his second time on ice skates. As we laced up our skates and shuffled over to the ice I looked over at Rick and for the first time ever I saw fear in his eyes. He grabbed ahold of the wall and slowly put his feet on the ice. One push at a time we made it all the way around the rink, and it only took 30 minutes. After 2 hours, and a few bloody blisters later we were done and in much need of a nap. Watching a 6'4 grown man learn to skate will go down in history as a love of mine.

Rick and I rang in the new year in style; complete with some trashy reality TV, a severe case of what I'm sure was H1N1 for Rick, some of Gail's wonderful fudge (thanks again) and a 10pm bedtime. I think my mother was onto something when she said that we are 50 year olds trapped in 22 year old bodies. I would blame it on the fact that I had work New Years Eve, or had to work on New Years Day, or the fact that it was freezing, traffic, crowds... but who am i kidding... I have the most comfortable bed in the whole wide world. I will sit at work and daydream about my bed, I play mind games about all the things I would give up for my bed, I lay in bed and look forward to the next time I get to be in this spot. New Years Eve spent in my bed was perfection.

Now on to the important things. You all can now all exhale, because I know you have been holding your breath waiting for it. Her we go... drum roll please...

New Years Resolutions:

1. Do more for my body, seeing as it is the only one I got! This includes, but is not limited to: Eating better, working out more, Flossing, applying more lotion, and taking my vitamins.
2. Do more for my brain: Read more books, start meditating, and listen to more NPR (it makes me feel smarter)
3. Do more for my soul: start taking steps towards my teaching credentials, volunteer more, and do what I can to make my job more enjoyable, as long as I am here I can either be miserable or I can put on my big girl pants and enjoy myself, my coworkers and my customers.
4. BE HAPPY

My thought of the day:

I have come to the realization that the notion personal responsibility is lost. These days no one takes responsibility for their actions, or the lack thereof. This is an epidemic that spans all age groups, all races, and both genders. If you drop your phone in water and it does not work, do not yell at me because I am not giving you a brand new phone for free. If you throw you cell phone boxes away, and therefore don't have your barcodes for your mail in rebate, don't yell at me, I did not throw them out. If I tell you that I can't replace your phone because it is not in warranty, and you CHOSE not to have insurance, don't come back and hour later with your mommy, thinking she is going to make me do it, NO. For every action, there are consequences and people need to take responsibility for their actions.
My prayer is that when I get rich, and make my millions, I will never think that I am above others, or that rules don't apply to me, or that I will EVER be even slightly disrespectful of others, especially people who are attempting to work with me.

Ok, thanks for reading my vent.

2009 is over. It was the most transitional year of my life. I graduated college, moved away from the city I lived my entire life, got my first real job, took out my first car loan, got through health issues, and learned my way around a very different city. 2009, I will always look back on you with great memories, a lot of lessons learned and great thanks for all the blessings this year has brought me. 2010, you have a lot to compete with, but I have good feelings about this one!

Christmas Countdown!

Good Morning to all!

I would like to start off today with a confession: I ran out of coffee, and its too cold to go to the store, so i took the leftover coffee that was still in the pot, and microwaved it! There I said it! And it was DELICIOUS!

Yesterday was Ricks 24th birthday. In true Jessica fashion, I agonized over getting him the perfect gift, plan the perfect day, stress about making everything special, and like always nothing went planned, I got stressed, and then quickly got over it. I am slowly letting go of my views of the way things are "supposed" to go, and enjoying the splendor of what the day brings.

The plan was to wake up early, go on a horseback ride on the beach, go out to brunch, go home and relax, possibly catch a movie and then relax. Sounds wonderful huh?!

What actually happened was Rick's friend from high school, who lives in Sacramento, his wife, and their 6 month old baby girl stopped by on their home from a wedding. They stayed over, Rick stayed up till 3am playing video games and catching up with Ryan, and then we slept in till 9:30. We then chatted all morning and finally got out of the house at noon. We went to go get brunch, had a wonderful meal, and then we both knew our fate. We were full, the clouds were started to roll in, we had UP! on DVD waiting at home... So we went and got a Cold Stone cake (which in California is $50!!!) spent the afternoon cuddled up, watched UP! which is Ricks new favorite movie, and took a nap. We got take out from Whole Foods, opened gifts and then Rick had to prep for work. It was a wonderful day full of things that Rick really wanted to do, which is what actually matters.

Hillarity ensued watching Rick with the baby. "Where does she sleep? In the car seat?"... (as i lay her on the bed so we can put the pillow cases on) "Jess, you can just lay her down, she will roll off!" "Why is her mouth always drooling"... He also apparently thought that babies and puppies are quite similar and would amuse Shaylen by growling at her and seeing if she could fetch. WE ARE IN FOR A REAL TREAT!

I found a website that gave me all the information I needed for getting my teaching credentials in the state of California, however it is practiclly impossible and now i feel like I am no better off. In California, if you already have a bachelors degree, all you need is to pass the CBEST test, a year of full-time classes, 6 months of student teaching, and then a final test. So thats it! I just need to study for the CBEST, pass it, apply to one of the three schools in my area that offer the program, quit my job, go back to school, take out more student loans, and then in a year and a half, and $10,000 later I will be able to teach in the state of California ... and then by that time, we will be moving back to Arizona ... easy, right?

I am trying to be thankful for how blessed I am, especially at this time of year. I have a job that gives me full benefits, as so far allows me to pay my bills. I have an extremely comfy home, I have the support of an amazing man, and a great family. Yes, my job is not what I want to be doing. Yes, California is expensive, and far away from my family which sucks. However, like Rick always tells me, I need to take steps forward to apply for other positions, and let it go. What is supposed to happen will happen, but in the meantime, I can't spend my time whining and complaining... but more then likely i will :)

4 days till Christmas, I hope that you all have a very merry christmas, and I hope that everyone takes a little time to do something for those less fortunate.